Parenting
Styles
Each of us has our own parenting style that is unique
to our particular personality characteristics and philosophies
on how children should be raised. Generally, these styles encompass
some basic ideas on discipline, relationship building, and expectations.
Often our parenting styles are greatly influenced by those we
experienced at the hands of our own parents when we were children.
We are likely to incorporate into our own style some aspects
of our parents' styles. For example, employing a disciplinary
technique that is most familiar to us which we found useful
later in our lives. At the same time, we might develop a parenting
style that seems to be the opposite of those of our parents',
especially if we feel there was something objectionable or ineffective
in their style. Whichever the case, it is helpful for each of
us to examine our own particular style and see if it is effective
in leading our children toward the desired goals of developing
healthy, autonomous, productive and responsible citizens who
are also capable of participating in close relationships.
Usually parenting styles are categorized into three major approaches
based on research on families and the emotional climate of the
home. While we all react differently at different times, you
might see yourself more in one style than another.
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Authoritative Parenting |
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Authoritarian Parenting |
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Permissive Parenting |
Authoritative Parenting:
These parents develop and maintain close, warm relationship
with children while at the same time establish structure and
guidelines that are enforced as is necessary.
Qualities
of Authoritative parents:
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They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive |
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Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than
punitive |
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They try to direct their child's activities rationally |
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They set limits, and enforces them |
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They encourage verbal give and take, and share with
the child the reasoning behind their policy. |
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They are firm, but warm |
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They listen to their children |
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They recognize their own special rights as an adult
but also the child's individual interests and special
ways |
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They affirm the child's present qualities, but also
set standards for future conduct |
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The uses reasoning as well as power to achieve their
objectives |
Child qualities:
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Lively and happy disposition |
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Self-confident about ability to master
tasks. |
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Well developed emotion regulation |
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Developed social skills |
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Less rigid about gender-typed traits
(exp: sensitivity in boys and independence in girls) |
Authoritarian Parenting:
The authoritarian style of parenting is focused primarily on
controlling behavior to meet the expectations of the parents.
The style is fairly rigid and requires unquestioned obedience
without discussion or explanation. Explanations may be offered,
however, they are not open for interpretation or exploration.
Qualities of Authoritarian
parents:
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They are highly demanding and directive,
but not responsive. |
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They make kids conform to a very
rigid set of rules and regulations |
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They typically don't explain their
rules, but use power assertions (e.g., "because I
said so"). |
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They value obedience as a virtue
and favors punitive, forceful measures to curb self-will
at points where the child's actions of beliefs conflict
with what they think is right conduct |
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They believe in inculcating values
such as respect for authority, respect for work, and respect
for the preservation of order and traditional structure |
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They do not encourage verbal give
and take, believing that the child should accept their
word for what is right |
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They have very high expectations
from their children |
Child qualities:
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Anxious, withdrawn, and unhappy disposition |
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Poor reactions to frustration (girls
are particularly likely to give up and boys become especially
hostile) |
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Do well in school (studies may show
authoritative parenting is comparable) |
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Not likely to engage in antisocial
activities (exp: drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, gangs) |
Permissive
Parenting: The permissive style of parenting has virtually
no guidelines for behavior, or very loosely constructed ones
that are not enforced. Parents using this style may be found
to repeatedly engage in trying to cajole their kids into behaving
in some way or another, but without any real strength of intention,
and without any reinforcement. Permissive parents tend to be
either too involved in their children's minute to minute sense
of happiness, or very little involved in any aspect of their
children's lives. In both cases, the results are negative and
far-reaching for the child.
Qualities
of Permissive parents:
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They are more responsive than they
are demanding. |
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They are nontraditional and lenient,
do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation,
and avoid confrontation |
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They allow children to regulate their
own activities with relatively little interference |
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They don't have rules |
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Kids make their own decisions |
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They are typically warm and well
meaning |
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They explain things to their children,
using reason and persuasion rather than power assertion. |
Child qualities:
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Poor emotion regulation (under regulated) |
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Rebellious and defiant when desires
are challenged |
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Low persistence to challenging tasks |
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Antisocial behaviors |
Nurturing parents who are secure in the standards they hold
for their children provide models of caring concern as well
as confident, self-controlled behavior. Parents who combine
warmth and rational and reasonable control are likely to be
more effective reinforcing agents. They praise children for
striving to meet their expectations and making good use of disapproval,
which works best when applied by an adult who has been warm
and caring.
Authoritative parents make demands that fit with children's
ability to take responsibility for their own behavior. Children
subsequently learn that they are competent individuals who can
do things successfully for themselves. This fosters high self-esteem,
cognitive development, and emotional maturity.
Characteristics
of Parenting that Promote Academic Success
Identifying and understanding our own parenting style would
help us analyse our characteristics that would promote academic
success of our children. The following three approaches to parenting
are key to promoting academic success in children. While all
parents fall somewhere between the extremes, research strongly
indicates that parents who are closer to acceptance, firmness,
and autonomy have children who are more successful in school.
Three Ranges of Parenting Approaches
Range 1:
Acceptance <----------------> Rejection
Accepting parents
are affectionate, liberal with their praise, involved in their
child's life, and responsive to their child's emotional needs.
Children raised by accepting parents
feel that they can turn to their parents when they have problems,
that their parents encourage them, that their parents enjoy
spending time with them, and that their parents are dependable
sources of guidance or assistance.
Range 2:
Firmness <----------------> Leniency
Firm parents have clear
rules that the child is expected to follow, and set clear
expectations that the child will behave in a mature and responsible
fashion. They are consistent.
Children raised by firm
parents know what their parents expect of them and that there
are consequences for violating their expectations.
Range 3:
Support of Autonomy <---------------->
Control
Parents who support autonomy in
their child tolerate and encourage their child's sense
of individuality. They encourage their child to express herself
and enjoy watching her develop into a separate and autonomous
individual.
Children raised to be autonomous
feel that self-expression is a valued trait, and that their
parents' love and respect for them is not contingent on having
the same opinions and ideas as their parents. They know that
it's important for a person to speak up for what he believes.
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